233.6

Four tenths of a pound!  In a day that's not bad... not amazing like I woke up a size twelve, but not then I'm not going to die of dehydration and electrolyte imbalance over 4/10 of a pound either.  I slept much better the last couple of nights too.

Today will be my third day at the gym. Everything is sore. Why does my jaw get sore? I need to make something amazing and go see a dentist soon. It would be nice enough to be thin enough that I could get buy health insurance.

So good morning awesome people!

Where I'd like to be!

I bought the book with this pattern in it today! Gosh, that would be really awesome!

235.6

Holy Crap!

Losing weight is hard. I make up my mind to do it, and my weight goes in the wrong direction.

Being thin scares the teeth out of me! I start peeling back layers and there's just so much to be afraid of.

Right now I'm standing up. I'm walking in place as I type. 

I was at 235.6 this morning. 

Part of me does not want to be thin if I can't also be a man. Being a skinny, pretty girl is the scariest thing in the world to me. 

I'm daydreaming about having a farm. I'm day dreaming about being able to go to like the Biggest Loser Ranch for a month. 

Duo

Good Morning!

It's Pride! I'm afraid to go to Pride. I'm afraid I'll go over there and be lonely. I'm afraid I'll go over there and people. I should just stay here and write and exercise... enjoy the time alone as everyone else went to the Strawberry festival. I didn't go to Pride last year either... too fat, too alone.

I hate being fat. I hate that the only thing that makes me feel better from this is eating. Which...as we may well know makes one fat.

It's a very beautiful day out there today. There's blue sky out my window. There are free concerts and lovely people.

I'm at 234 this morning.

Okay.. this still isn't posted. I've missed most of the parade. I just can't get myself out the door to go.  Would I really be more confident to go by myself if I were at a healthy weight?

Yeah. I think I would.

I could have gotten to a healthy weight between last year and this year. I could have.

:(

The Beginning

Duo Wins. 

Well, that's the plan. 

And by win, I mean lose. 

There was time when I was really skinny. I was like 113 pounds and the same height I am now, once. I'm 5'1", by the way. I'm short. That is going to make it much harder to pass as a man. It's a good thing I really want to be an anime character, though with normal eyes *smiles*.

So this awesome contest isn't starting yet. It doesn't start till July 5th, but really I've started about five thousand times over years and years. 

I've probably tried every diet ever published in English, and then some. 

I know how many calories there are in the foods I chose to eat. I know how many calories I'm not burning as I sit here at my computer typing books all the time. 

I lost the most weight recently when my best friend was dieting with me. I had this crazy plan that we'd dress up as Heero and Duo for Sakura con! I imagined being this awesomely sexy person. I lost like maybe ten pounds. 

I worked really hard at it.

Being 5'1" and 233 pounds as of this morning... ten pounds was helpful.

When I quiet Verizon I was 275... Being 233 is fantastically better than 275. I don't have heartburn all the time anymore. I can almost sleep on my stomach. The not having heartburn is really important. 

I'd also like to not get diabetes. I'd like to be able to buy health insurance if I get enough income going on. I got turned down the last time I applied. 

This post is maybe a little disjointed, but it's here.  Joining Romance's Biggest Winners is going to be where I find the support and courage to turn my life around. This blog is going to be my therapist.. kinda, anyway. 

I'm going to live as vibrantly as I can! 

If you hang out with me on this journey! Thank you!